Standing only five feet tall on two tiny feet that would excite Chinese foot-binding enthusiasts, Lily Nguyen is a pouty-lipped mutant usually seen with a fried chicken drumstick in one hand and a ballpoint pen in the other. Discovered in the lush green woods of Northern Washington with bright eyes and no shoes, the Lily thrives on overpriced seafood and was trained as a warrior of the bleak written world. Super powers include being able to shop online without blinking, effortlessly resisting all cacao-derived temptations, being hyper self-deprecating, and always being able to conjure up a wild explanation for everything. Natural repellents include red meat, alcohol, Capri pants, milk, CRT monitors, and rap music.
Currently the Lily is being kept in an expansive habitat in Seattle that is an inspired replica of her original botanical playground. She is required to perform legal slave work during the day but is allowed time to gibber, nap, and pick her nose after successfully finishing her duties. Visitation is welcomed but limited and her trainers advise you to keep your hands to yourself when visiting the Lily because she is known to eat everything within reach.